How Do You Explain Holidays To Alien Robots?
by The Cowgirl Bookworm
Summary: I am attempting to answer this question, but it's going to be hard to help Ironhide figure out how Cupid shoots his arrows and why we have a holiday about trees. Tie-in to An Autobot Mechanic.
1. New Year's

"_Three. Two. One. Happy New Year!_" The entire base yelled, then blew mouth horns and banged plastic clappers together. Champagne corks ricocheted around the massive Autobot hanger as the bubbly liquid was poured into cheap plastic flutes emblazoned with 'Happy New Year!' written in glitter. Ironhide grabbed onto me as the celebrating crowd pushed us close together, and milled out onto the runway.

"Why do you place so much significance on the mere roatation of your planet?" He asked, staring at the sky as the stars wheeled in the celestial sphere above us. He jumped in front of me as concussions fireworks went off, the shockwaves dissapating before they reached us but loud enough to get our attention. The Topkick that actually was his body came peeling out from the hanger.

"Ironhide, relax. It's just fireworks." I said, "I think it's because we know that the world's going to keep spinning and that hopefully nothing will change." I answered his questions as more fireworks lit up the sky in shades of verdant green, cerulean, mauve and lavender. i clung to IRonhide as he watched the fireworks fade and more relight up in the sky.

"I enjoy these." He said, so typical of him. He loves anything with explosions. After the firework show was over we all skipped back into the hanger and started mingling with each other. Lennox hardly left his wife's side, I had paid for her to join us for New Year's. As the celebrations continued throughout the night I began to get a little tipsy around my third glass of champagne.

"Give me that Alisha." Ironhide said, grabbing the fourth and placing it on a nearby table.

"Aww, 'Hide. So protective." I slurred, grabbing his arm. Optimus walked up in his holoform, examining me slightly.

"What's that matter with her?" He asked.

"She's more than a little drunk." Ironhide explained, holding me up. I grabbed Optimus' shoulder and Ironhide's and began to sway back and forth with them. I raised my voice above the noise of the crowd and began to sing. Optimus, Lennox and Ironhide joined in shortly after I began.

"_Should auld acquaintance be forgot,_

_and never brought to mind ?_

_Should auld acquaintance be forgot,_

_and auld lang syne ?_

_For auld lang syne, my dear._

_for auld lang syne,_

_we'll tak a cup o' kindness yet,_

_for auld lang syne._"


	2. Valentine's Day

"What is the purpose of having a holiday dedicated to a dead man? If that is all it takes to get a holiday about love why don't we have an Optimus Prime day?" Ironhide asked, sitting in his holoform on top of his own hood. I was completing adressing my valentine's to the base and trying to explain the basis of Valentine's Day to him. He just couldn't seem to wrap his head around it.

"Well, some people say that it wasn't origonally St. Valentine. There was this old Roman festival called Lupercalia where naked boys would run around hitting women with bloody strips of goat skin and those women were supposed to be fertile and have sons. Then the Catholic's changed it to be about a dead guy who helped hook up couples. People just use it as an excuse to get each other cards and gifts now." I replied, moving my caligraphy pen through the double n's in Lennox.

"So, what would some of these gifts be?" He asked, looking down at me from his perch on the Topkick. I was laying on the cement with my valentine cards splayed out in front of me. I finished Lennox's, licked it shut, and started on another before answering.

"Well, there's perfume, jewelery, flowers, cards, clothes, chocolate but pretty much it's anything that the person you're giving it to likes." I explained, gathering up my cards. I told Ironhide good night then went back up to my room. Ironhide's valentine sat underneath my bed, a massive red heart edged in fuzzy white lace. His real gift though was something entirely different.

---

"What in the Pit is this?" I heard Ironhide thunder as I walked into the hanger. The Autobots all seemed to have received their valentine's, Ratchet especially enjoying his new syringe set. Optimus was reviewing his U.S Constitution and Ironhide was trying to tear the massive heart from his windshield. I laughed as I watched him struggle. Finally I assissted him, pulling it away from the masking tape I had used to secure it. I whipped his present out from behind my back.

"Happy Valentine's Day Ironhide." I said, pulling out a large photo book of tanks, guns, planes and anything that was involved in battle. He smiled, pulling his own little present out from behind his back.

"Happy Valentine's Dya to you as well, Alisha." Ironhide replied, also bringing out a book. His was a thick, leather bound volume thaat had to weight about five pounds. I accepted it, pulling open the cover to see the title. Handwritten in an impressive caligraphy was _A History of Cybertron and the Autobots_.

"Dictated by Optimus Prime himself." Ironhide said as I happliy leafed through it. I couldn't believe it. He knew that I loved him and the Autobots, he had taken my advice to heart. It was a very, very good day to be me.

* * *

**Well, I would like to thank all of my lovely reviewers and to tell all of you readers that there's going to be one major holiday per month and one month per chapter so there will probably be twelve chapters unless this story is like _extremely _popular. Then there will be more.**


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